It’s the look in his eyes. Rabid. Wild. Hungry. Saliva glistening off his lips as beads of sweat slither down from the corner of his shining White forehead.

He is hunter and I am prey. The realisation dawning as he begins to stride carefully towards me, his eyes fixed on my frame like a cheetah stalking a gazelle.

“Run”, I think, but would I make it? “Does this man even have legs”, I wonder, his pace increasing, body moving through the air like an eagle in the sky. But no, more deadly; a shark gliding through water. He’s a great white and I’m stood screaming “Fish are friend’s not food!”

Before I know it, he’s caught me. His grip is surprisingly tender. One hand is placed on my waist, whilst he raises my chin with the other. He lowers his head to my height, pausing as his wet lips meet my earlobe.

“You’re my first Black girl”, he whispers. A shiver ripples down my spine.

“Jungle Fever”, I wince. He has it and it’s real.

Okay so it didn’t quite go like that, but details details… Let’s talk about why “You’re my first Black girl” and “I’ve never been with a Black girl before” have always been and will continue to be alarming statements. Though, the answer is simple really: racial fetishism.

Now I know it can be a touchy subject, in large due to the feeling that it challenges the authenticity of interracial relationships. However, acknowledging that some do mistake the love of a race for love of an individual does not undermine the legitimacy of mixed relationships for those who know the difference. We can and should recognise both.

And so, with that said, let us begin!  

Racial fetishism is the attraction to a person due to the colour of their skin and sexualised racial generalisations. For example, if you have Jungle Fever then due to you sexualising Black stereotypes, you are ‘naturally’ more attracted to Black people. However, not as individuals or for their unique attributes, but as a collective. And fair play, because we all know that Black people all look the same! Am I right or am I right?

When it comes to the hyper-sexualisation of Black Women typical attributes include: smooth skin, full lips, big bums, thick thighs and a sassy attitude.

In my younger years, I was often confused by White male attraction. Comments like “I just prefer Black girls because they’re so exotic”’ threw me, because while I’m not a wild species, somehow I was flattered to be considered a bird of paradise.

In my extremely White surroundings, I often felt unattractive as a Black girl and thus was sucked in by the White boys who ‘loved’ girls like me.

You love Black girls? My insecure 16-year-old eyes lit up. For their full lips? Sure, I’ve got full lips! Their smooth skin? I moisturise, pick me! For their sassy attitude? I’m not the sassiest, but I’m a Black Woman. I’m sure you already mistake my gentle tone for sass anyway. I’m your gal!

I didn’t see it at the time, but the older I became, the more I understood that with each ‘I like you because all Black Women are…’ I was being reduced to an idea, a fetishized stereotype. The boys, and indeed Men, who have said it were not attracted to me because of who I was or my unique features. Instead it was because they saw me on a jungle safari and thought she must have the cayenne pepper of personality, a God-given BBL and belongs on a Clinique skin advert. And why, thank you, because I do… but that’s not the point!

The truth is, it didn’t matter if any of these things actually applied to me. They were going to like me regardless because, I’m a Black Woman and so, of course I’d have these traits.

Another thing they didn’t understand was that just because the attributes they fetishised were deemed nice, it didn’t make it a compliment when they listed them as one of the reasons why they liked people like me.

If we’re to tackle racial fetishism then it’s up to each person to question themselves. If you’re sitting there allegedly having never spiked a fever, but you’re also someone who says they have ‘a type’, then it’s worth asking yourself why it is what it is. Was it born of your own liberated conscious thought or is it a product of your environment, the groups of people you grew up around or mass societal conditioning? Challenge yourself:

If you’re someone who likes Black Women for their sass, ask yourself: do you distinguish between sassy and non-sassy Black Girls or do you just not notice because, to you, all Black Women are sassy?

If you’re someone whose type is Women with blonde hair, then ask yourself: if a Black or Asian Woman burnt your corneas with the heat they were bringing from their dyed blonde hair, would you like it then? Or is your love of blondes only reserved for Women when they’re White?

If you’re someone who likes Asian Women for their perceived submissiveness, you’re weird, but ask yourself: do you expect that kind of submission from all Women or just Asian Women? But also, why do you expect submissiveness from Women at all? A whole other issue within itself and one we will have to address in time.

But for now, let’s not just stop at Women. Men get it too. Are you someone who lusts after Black Men for their athletic build? Or are you someone who seeks White Men to elevate you on the societal food chain? If so, then Sip. That. Tea because you my friend are a part of the problem.  

Now, if you’re thinking ‘How rude! She just left Asian Men out’, it’s because, when it comes to them, society typically does the opposite of hyper-sexualisation. Instead Asian Men tend to be desexualised, stereotyped as passive, emasculated boys who lack sex appeal and a voice. It’s unfortunate, truly, because by now we should all know and understand that stereotypes ain’t shit!

Sorry mum for the language! She doesn’t like swear words, but I’m afraid the statement still stands:

Stereotypes ain’t shit.

Yet, they still seem to have an impact. A study carried out by OK Cupid found that both Asian Men and Black Women are the least desired groups on dating apps. Oh yeah, that’s right; that same hyper-sexualised sass can also be perceived as aggression. The Angry Black Women. Loved by none and scorned by all.

But, the tragedy doesn’t stop there. We talked about it a bit last week; the fetishisation of mixed race people, Black Men rejecting Black Women and the desire to specifically date White. All things we’re going to continue to dive into. All things which fall into the realm of problematic.  

Racial fetishism and racially-motivated desexualisation. Neither of them are sexy.

Anyway, for now I’ll summarise with a few gentle PSAs for us all to ponder over: Choosing to only date one specific race is racist. Choosing not to date whole races is racist. Choosing not to date your own race is a form of self-hatred, not to mention… it’s racist, and choosing to date a specific race for the genetic make-up of your children is messed up. (Yeah, that’s a thing by the way.) Oh, and I’m pretty sure it’s also racist.

On the other hand, allowing yourself to love who you love regardless of race, time and space is a special kind of beautiful and we should all aspire to be those kinds of people.

Oh, and just so you know, fevers can kill you… Just saying. *Sips Tea*

(Feature Image: Jungle Fever by Jean-Paul Goude, 1982.)