And so, we’ve almost reached the end; seen the sun set on what has been a seemingly never-ending blur. The past 355 days have been eventful, unpredictable and isolating. But they’ve also been reflective.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself this year; but also about humanity and how we behave in times of struggle. I never would have predicted the eruption of marches in honour of the Black Lives Matter movement. I never could have foreseen so many rallying together to have their voices heard, not just on the streets, but on the ballot. I also couldn’t have imagined the thousands protesting democracy; chanting ‘stop the count!’ – wild – but, then again, in the year of our Lord 2020, we also fought over rationed toilet paper in supermarkets so… I guess it’s just been that kind of year.

When I first started writing this post, I wanted to uplift you. I wanted to offer a positive perspective on what has been a very bleak year and I still intend to do that. But, before I do I just want to say, that 2020 has quite honestly … been shit. Just yesterday a ‘normal’ Christmas was on the horizon. After what has been the most challenging year, for many reasons, I clung on to that upcoming tradition. It made me hopeful; gave me a high that I’ve been relentlessly chasing since this all began. Normalcy.

My most detested phrase of 2020 has been ‘the new normal’. I don’t want this new normal, I don’t like it here. Every time things seem to get better, along comes another bump to make it worse. And to be quite honest with you, I’m tired.

Believe it or not, I still wholly intend to be positive in this because, I’m a glass half full kind of Woman, but before I do I just wanted to say that it’s okay if you’re tired too. It’s okay if yesterday’s announcement was a shattering blow that brought you to your knees and it’s okay if you’ve been on your knees for a while now.

In some way or another, this year we’ve all been pained. A lot of people are in mourning, in many ways and on differing levels, whether that’s mourning loved ones, lost jobs or just the old normal and it’s okay if you haven’t recovered from that loss yet.

It’s okay not to be okay.

In truth, a positive outlook isn’t going to change the situation. It isn’t going to make all that you’ve gone through this year any easier to digest. But, at a time when everything is so out of our control, I take comfort positively impacting that which I can. And at this point, that’s my mindset. So, when you’re ready and you are in no rush to be, but when you are, will you please do me the honour of humouring me and grab yourself a piece of paper and a pen? It’ll make sense in a minute.

Along with all of the darkness, it was as if this year was trying to offer us perspective, remind us of our priorities and help us focus on the truly important aspects of life; moments for yourself, moments with family and friends and then there’s just straight up being able to hug each other. Even more so, I think it was trying to remind us that we can. We can overcome hardship. We can overcome pain. We can overcome loss. And even when we think we can’t, we can.

It’s incredibly easy to look back on this year and count our downfalls; list of all the things that 2020 took. But today, on this reflective Sunday, I want you to look back on this year and instead, list all the things it gave; list all the things you overcame despite the odds being ever not in your favour. I want you to write them down no matter how big or small and celebrate them.

This year has been low and I’m not expecting an ‘overcoming’ list to help us conclude it at a height as great as the Himalayas, but after surviving this battle, we deserve to be celebrated and at the very least finish the year on a promising hill.

Please note: victories come in all shapes and sizes and the ‘struggle’ category for what we can overcome is not limited; it can be emotional, introspective, financial, social or anything else that springs to mind.

For me, notable victory this year looked like Sips Tea. It looked like me starting a new venture, conquering fears of failure and baring myself for the world to see. It looked like me investing time in my writing, getting back into poetry and connecting with so many wonderful people both on and offline. It also looked like being featured in a book – which is just crazy to think about. Though I note, my victories were not always so tangible.

Sometimes winning looked like self-care; carving out an hour on Saturdays to soak in the bath and listen to classical music to wash away the stress and anxiety that clothed my body. It looked like habitual routines on Sundays when I’d take time to meditate and pray; centring myself by giving thanks for the things that I had overcome in the week – no matter how miniscule – and nourishing my being with affirmations. It also looked like Monday morning runs when my body was still aching from the Friday before or making time to journal and untangle the mess of webs I’d long neglected.

And then, sometimes ‘the win’ just looked like me getting out of bed. On a day when my eyes were tinted grey and I didn’t feel like I was achieving; when I didn’t feel full of love for myself and I didn’t feel like I was enough. On those days, just emerging from my covers was everything. And it’s those victories that we ought to truly acknowledge; the not-so-small-wins that we often forget.

So, no matter how big or small you perceive your victories to be, when you’re ready, jot them down and celebrate them. And by the way, it’s okay if the only thing you can think of is making it through 2020, because just making it to this point is arguably the greatest hurdle that many of us faced this year.

I know it’s easier said than done, but trust that no matter what hardship you’re going through in this moment, much like the struggle you have faced before, this too shall pass. And in any case, things may not always get better. 2021 is not guaranteed to be better, but you will be. For making it through this year alone, you already are. Trust and believe that.

But, if you’re ever in doubt then look back on this list and remember 2020; the worst year ever. But also, the year that told you, you can. You can overcome hardship. You can overcome pain. You can overcome loss. And even when you think you can’t, you can. And you’ll be stronger for it.  

Anyway, I think that’s enough from me in 2020, but before I go: I wish you a wonderful Christmas and I look forward to boiling the kettle with you in the new year.

Until then, keep speaking your truth, sanitising those hands and remember, this too shall pass. *Sips Tea*