I have a mentor. We meet every two or so weeks to catch up and chat about my plans. Without fail every meeting, before we dive into the actual reason why we’re speaking, we lose ourselves in topical conversations, each of us in turn educating and challenging the other. 

It’s always enlightening because 1) we are both very open and eager to broaden our horizons. And 2) we are infinitely different and yet, such are our similarities that between us exists an endless amount of compassion and knowledge to be felt and gained from our interactions. 

We’re visibly different. She’s White, I’m Black. She from Eastern Europe and myself from Southern Africa, two alternate worlds known to be separated for their dissimilarity. 

However, we’re also rather similar. For 1) like me, she identifies with both her culture back home and that in the UK. 2) She too has experienced the challenges, notably rejection, that arise when straddling opposing cultures. And 3) We both belong to oppressed groups, who share a lot more in common than is often realised. Me, a member of the Black community and she, a part of the LGBTQ+ community. 

It’s often these similarities, peppered with our own nuances in experience, that bring us closer together each time we speak. Our conversations often circle around race and culture, but with June around the corner, we naturally arrived at Pride. A month, that much like Black History Month, often stirs up some difficult conversations.

Historically, the Black African community, has not been the most welcoming to those who identify with the LGBTQ+ community. We lingered on this point the last time my mentor and I spoke. She reflected on her experiences both positive and negative in the UK and her country of birth. While I lamented on the attitudes within my own culture.

As you know, I’m from Zimbabwe. What you may not know however, is that to this day in Zim, it’s illegal to be gay, as if sexual orientation is a choice. Full on “GO TO JAIL, GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT M200”. 

It’s something I fundamentally disagree with, but something nonetheless, that is engrained in the country’s thinking. The idea that someone would come out as a non-cis gendered, non-heterosexual individual is something that is collectively not considered. It is quite simply, not a thing. Furthermore, given such laws, it’s engrained from a very young age that it’s wrong. 

Does that mean that they’re no LGBTQ+ individuals or groups there? No. But it does mean that they’re forced to live a subdued life. Which isn’t right. 

It’s a cultural thinking that follows you even after you leave the region. Something that doesn’t immediately change just because you enter somewhere like the UK. But something that needs to give nonetheless. 

Discrimination towards societal groups often comes from a lack of diversity and education. The best way for us to learn and be accepting of each other is to be exposed to the vastness of humanity, the beauty of that diversity brings and the ways in which we relate to one another. It’s something we take for granted here in the West. 

For all its faults and flaws, the West is incredibly diverse and openly so. Admittedly, we still have a long way to go, but our diversity has made us a lot more inclusive than other regions. Sadly however, that’s not a reality everywhere. 

A flaw of ours however, is that we simply expect everyone else to catch up and reach a point of acceptance, when really, in understanding the world and differing cultures, we should be striving for tolerance: an openness to that which is different to you. 

To be tolerant is to show a willingness to allow the existence of opinions or behaviour that one does not necessarily agree with. It is open-mindedness to that which we do not yet know or understand. It is to acknowledge that we, as human beings, are deserving of the same respect and compassion regardless of our differences. It’s the basis of equality and the foot in the door to having difficult conversations with those around you.  

We all know that one person who is ‘of the older generation’, ‘stuck in their ways’, comes from a more conservative part of the world or just absorbs the wrong kind of media like a sponge. From experience, simply telling them to get with the programme has never worked. But starting from a place like tolerance tends to stand a far better chance. 

We do need education. But before introducing someone to that which they are unfamiliar or do not understand, they must first be open to learning. There is no point otherwise. 

It does mean that we need to have patience when approaching said conversations, something that I, as a Black Woman, can understand is deeply frustrating. But it is something, that I have nonetheless learnt to embody, because growth and collective change take time and requires active participation from all parties, especially the allies, to help bridge the gap between communities. 

The experiences of the Black community and the LGBTQ+ community, like my mentor and I, are infinitely different and yet, such are our similarities, both collectively and individually, that between us exists an endless amount of compassion and knowledge to be felt and gained from our interactions. 

And so, I encourage us all to do exactly that. Go forth, converse, read, challenge each other and learn. There is common ground to be found and a larger community to be formed. 

As a collective, I understand, this evolution will take time. Southern Africa is not the West. Though I note that some African countries already have laws protecting those within the LGBTQ+ community. Notably South Africa, whose constitution was the first in the world to prohibit unfair discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation. 

And so, call me optimistic and maybe even a bit naive, but I believe that with active allies, patience, empathy and above all, open-mindedness, that one day, we might just get there. Opening one mind at a time. 

“Tolerance is not passive.  It demands an active choice to reach out on the basis of mutual understanding and respect, especially where disagreement exists. Tolerance means recognising that our diversity is a strength — a wellspring of creativity and renewal for all societies.”

–  The UN

And on that note *Sips Tea* 

More on Gender & Sexuality

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